What is positive parenting ?

Raising a child : benevolence and kindness

Helping your child through a crisis, understanding crying and tantrums, better accompanying a child in the learning process, encouraging autonomy from a young age... These are daily challenges for young parents. And sometimes, they are not so easy to take up! But let's try !

But what is this movement that is starting to be talked about in France? Between systematic sanction and ""laissez-faire"", the benevolent parenting takes a 3rd way... A mode of education that advocates empathy and respect for the child, in a secure and fulfilling environment...

It is inspired by the precepts of positive discipline, developed by the American psychologist Jane Nelsen at the end of the 1960s. In terms of education, two main methods are generally recognized: authority or permissiveness. Both are based on a form of ""confrontation"" between parents and children. Positive education proposes to get out of this power struggle. ""Positive discipline restores the nobility of parenting: knowing how to listen, understand, protect and respect while knowing how to set limits,"" as child psychiatrist Rafi Kojayan explains.

The principle: Kind and firm parenting

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Here are some practical tips to help you adopt the principles of positive parenting in your daily life.

• Identify and prioritize your child's needs, whether physical or emotional, so that you can respond to them as best as you can : adapt to them.
• Learn to decode emotions: baby cries, screams, agitation, refusing to eat or sleep... Try to stay calm, not to react too spontaneously and take a step back... These behaviors are not simple ""whims"" as we may sometimes believe. So observe your child, putting aside your own emotions, to see what is really behind their anger, sadness or frustration.
• Keep a positive viewpoint and an empathetic attitude: encourage, congratulate, value... without focusing on conduct problems or failures. This is much more stimulating for a child! And when you have to set rules, warnings or prohibitions, always try to formulate them in a positive and encouraging way.
• Set clear limits, and above all ones that are adapted to the child's age. This is essential for their proper development. Simply state what you expect from your child while remaining flexible, but without constantly changing your course of action.
• Avoid any form of physical or verbal punishment that can be perceived as humiliating by the child and that, in the end, does not achieve its objective and does not move things forward.
• Set an example: especially during the first years of life, your baby will love to imitate you and model his behavior on those around him.
• Show affection: cuddle, massage, hug, kiss... The marks of tenderness are very important to make baby grow in a climate of confidence and serenity.

Positive parenting does not question authority at all, it is not a question of allowing the child to do everything and waiting to see what happens. The goal is to establish a relationship of trust, without power struggles, without ""submission"", without excessive pressure... but with rules! It is true that this requires investment, patience and the ability to question oneself from the parents who wish to engage in this way... And above all, it is necessary to give up trying to be the perfect mom or dad of an ideal child!